I love you. Just not that much that I could commit to having a life with you.

why_am_i_so_afraid__by_shadowsgirl5991-d4gdq4k Yep. Shit happens. You don’t hear these exact  words spoken often, but you can feel them in your own gut. When you take comfort in a relationship that doesn’t suit your life and needs. Because we all have needs, and in relationships, the primary one is to be loved. So you go with accepting it, even if you feel you shouldn’t.
You see the perfect example each time something or someone else is preferred, instead of your own company.
 And you just keep beating yourself up with the same question: Why is this happening? Do I really deserve it? Sorry, but ..Yep, you do.
You do, because in most of the cases, you let years pass even though you knew it felt awkward from the very beginning. Truth is, the conclusion never comes like a total surprise. When you burst into tears at completely acknowledging it , you know that at some point you felt it in your heart. First you blame your partner  for not being honest to you this whole time. But you weren’t even honest to yourself. Then  you just blame yourself for not listening to your inner voice that kept pulling the alarm signs in your face and calling 911 over and over again to save you from drowning yourself into foolishness.
 You tell yourself you will never do it again, once you get a kicking, but after some time had passed, you just throw yourself again in the same painful situation.
I, for instance, have fought for years not to get tricked in this no exit situation, when you get attached to a person that doesn’t suit you. Because at some point it happened. And it was excruciating to let it go.
You  have been there surely, haven’t you?
People just do not comprehend that if you are not real to yourself, nobody else will.  And you will never see the reality because you keep denying it, every time you postpone your own principles over fear. Fear of being rejected, fear of being single, fear of not fitting in a society that doesn’t like that much single people because couples do it better.They travel, share , are funny, have kids, buy houses, visit relatives.  So perfect.
Unless you’re single. Then when Holiday Season comes you tend to totally agree with society that it sucks to be single.
Come on! Sufferance is way worse than enjoying your own company and building yourself till the time comes and you meet the right person. That time when you actually get someone in your life that will click perfectly with you. It’s not a myth, nor a dream. As long as you stay true to yourself and say  No when you mean it. Don’t settle for less than what you know you want, and deserve.
 It’s the only way you can avoid being someone’s option, not priority. And you  want to be someone’s #1 priority, don’t you?

One thought on “I love you. Just not that much that I could commit to having a life with you.

  1. “Scorpios have the ability to recreate themselves through their will and share determination.”

    I put a note after the first time I read this. “Be your own first priority.” I know you were working hard on that at the time. It was a privilege to follow the process and the progress. An inspiration.

    Thank you


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