In the Dark Night of the Soul.

It was just a dark feeling of hunger. It was consuming me. I could feel it in my intestines, in my stomach, ripping my heart, eating it and drowning my lungs in its black hole..

Then it was just emptiness that  was left behind. And wet tears on my face. The only kind of warmth I felt in ages. Darkness around me, I couldn’t see anything. Hear nothing. Be nothing . Just instinctively breathe while wishing to die. Praying for it.

But there was nobody to hear it. Dark night of the soul. I couldn’t see what I had done wrong to experience this excruciating sadness and feeling of abandonment. This visceral lack of love. Towards anything, including myself. I didn’t want to save me for myself.

Deep in my cells I knew I must have had it coming. Somehow. I knew I should deserve such a punishment and in ignorance,  it was there.

 I could not move my fingers even, the pain had paralyzed me. Just blink and weep. My lips and mouth were dry.

“ I just want to let go. Get away from it ALL.

I can’t handle another day. I don’t want to go further. No matter if… he comes back. I can’t do it anymore.

Can’t be …here any longer“ …was just all echoing in my head.

 … HERE.

I could feel the last drop of life in my little finger, fading away. My heartbeat starting to weaken. My soul seemingly finding its ease.

I must have fainted at the first grain of light.

#excerpt  #darknight #JJ #comingsoon

2 thoughts on “In the Dark Night of the Soul.

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