There was a time in my life when I didn’t like myself much. I couldn’t find anything in my persona to like. I was a teenager struggling with various issues including the precarious situation my parents had in that period. I disagreed with my predicament completely and believed I should have had an opportunity to be more or receive more. I went to a school that subconsciously supported my rebellious feelings against life, a school for rich kids where you were popular depending on your financial situation.
Much like life itself.
So that made me hate myself more as I didn’t live up to the expectations. Of course, my obsessive expectations. Being a teenager put a lot of emphasis on my physical aspect too as I had weight and skin issues. And when you dislike yourself everybody else seems to feel it and they somehow agree to your preference. I had very little or no confidence at all. I can’t remember a teacher that I felt close to in that period. Or one that was supportive. But hey, you can’t blame them…There’s a general problem with the educational system in Romania, not only with those teachers at the high school I went to.
It seems that persons who don’t like themselves very much, transmit this, and other people react accordingly to what they feel.
But you know what other thing happens to persons who don’t like who they are? They spend time observing other people and become bitterly judgemental. Sometimes they even go as far as bullying.
Just like bullying has become a fashion on the internet these days. Accessible and easy.
I come from a country that has huge issues with judging others and not allowing people to live freely. A right that has been spread in many countries throughout the world nowadays. And it was such the case for myself. When I had my period of not being happy with my own persona, I used to look at other people and observe their behavior so I could comment upon it and I even felt in a position to express my open opinion and give advice to the people that were closest to me. Most of my comments were terribly mean and suggested subtle envy.
I had my wake up call in my early 20’s when I realized that all that bitterness only made me suffer more than I already had in the past because it kept adding to my health issues instead of working things out.
I didn’t accept life completely from the first moment I realized I was causing my own sufferance, it took a while to process it. But the number one thing I stopped doing was judging people. And being envious of their situation. I stopped doing it because I understood then that I could be all I ever saw in other people. If I have the courage to live fully and work for what I want.
Nothing good ever happened to me when I made mean comments about this person or that person or my neighbour or my friend’s friend. Situations that I didn’t understand seemed so wrong to that version of myself. It was like I was entitled to hold the key of life and everyone else should have lived upon my own rules.
There’s a lot of suffering in a judgemental person. Some stay fixed in old patterns.
And that’s such a sad thing. Because those thoughts are destructive and they hide the true face of a person. The beauty of their soul.
We are not here to live other people’s life. We are here to shine in our own. And on our path not to hurt anyone else.
I encourage everyone to live their life to its fullest and stop paying attention to what other people do or say.
Our experiences are unique for each one of us. Enjoy them. 🙂