Perhaps life isn’t about creating it,
perhaps life is actually creating you.
Watching the sun hiding behind the Alps in sunset gives me a peaceful and grateful feeling for being alive and able to see. For me, the twilight atmosphere has its own calming sound and I’ve noticed that even birds tend to tone down their thrills in the evening. I have this habit that I’ve developed during my last five years to sit and watch a beautiful sunset whenever I can, wherever I am, especially when I’m travelling as it’s even more exciting when the scenery changes. I was fortunate enough to have the freedom to do so, follow my own interests or desires, as simple as they might seem to some, there are many people in the world who haven’t the chance.
It might seem too easy or too common to watch the sunset, but how many of us do really allow those fifteen-twenty minutes to sit on a terrace, or on the grass in a park, in your house’s garden (if you’re lucky to have one and a view to sunset and not neighboring concrete walls), or wherever possible and just be there with the scent and sentiment of early evening?
Perhaps living in the world, with a working or schooling schedule, having full or rough days brings a tendency to end evenings either straight to bed, considering resolutions or reflecting, or playing a movie for distraction/entertainment, or maybe in a soothing discussion with someone close to the heart, perhaps, if there is someone present in your life? Life changes constantly and so do circumstances, we change from morning to evening and so does the way we understand reality or what is the reality we live in. Are we able to change our reality or the way we perceive it is in fact what makes it change? Are we in control of our lives or this, what surrounds us, this life, is something much more complex, without the possibility to be manipulated or controlled, according to our wishes?
Is it all the power of the mind or has the heart a say in the way we live our lives? Psychology talks about the power of emotions as well as the intellectual drive that motivate us when designing our lives, yet emotional conflicts with the tendency of being unconscious do have an influence on the way we make our choices, unaware of the triggers.
Do you find yourself asking What is the purpose of this thing I do or that which I am planning, and try to understand the essence of your actions? Sometimes what seems the dullest action could have huge emotional implications, for example watching sunset could treat your heart after some heavy experience, or sitting under a tree for a while can calm your stirring thoughts, and at times a hidden emotion could influence a choice you wouldn’t make if that emotion was brought to awareness.
Is it the power of nature or life that connects us to a relaxing vibe or is it our hearts that appreciate simplicity and respond with a profound emotion? Maybe to some this doesn’t resonate but for me it is a healing balm to spend time, even if only a few moments, in a natural scenery (lately that being among flowers on a flat’s terrace).
Are we successful in designing the path we want to walk in this life or is life itself a success when we combine our minds with our hearts and allow everything to happen for us then choose the way we will shape our experiences? Is that having control over life or is life a force that cannot be controlled, just met and what we can control is the way we meet it? Returning to psychology, are we ever fully aware of our emotions and thoughts and what everything we encounter means to us?
I fancied in the past that I could have control over the way I live my life, if I organised my days then I could anticipate what and how will happen until, like every control freak, had my wake up call and everything collapsed around me. That was a big hit for my ego who couldn’t understand that it’s not about safety or anticipation but living without safety nets and welcome life as it is, not as thought to be.
I still ask myself frequently How do I know how life is meant for me, now, if I haven’t lived in this moment before? How do I know how it is supposed to be if I don’t live it?, in those critical moments I face as any human being consumed with living a modest life, or struggling with illness or aspiring to a different reality. I’ve noticed that reflections tend to come at hand when we’re dissatisfied with what we’re living, I haven’t met any people yet who reflect on what has happened when they were happy, yet sadly, I met people who don’t reflect on what happened even in their most complicated experiences. It reminded me of myself, in my past years. Life is too complex to be understood, we’re too complex as human beings to be understood or to understand ourselves when still immature, I feel at peace when I listen to my heart’s vibes but my heart also talks about hurt feelings, or anger, or wishes of joy or pleasure and it even gets scared when meeting an unexpected situation in which a dear one suffers, then my intellect tries to understand and draw possible resolutions. I owe it to myself to be aware of how I live my life yet I have no control over what happens in my life, rather I can choose to welcome what is supportive of my own health and wellbeing, in awareness.
I realized today that, on 19th June, somehow, life brought me in the moment of reflection while watching sunset the same day every year, even if in different locations, since three years ago when I planned to not have a plan anymore and just follow the course of life’s flow. So many things have changed, in the deepest and simplest aspects, and the way I perceive reality has changed.